James hovered near the door, waiting on Lily to make the first move. His eyes followed her to a couch, where she sat down, and he saw a momentary flash of vulnerability strike across her face. James swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing, as he realized that fear on her face was because she had found out what he had done, a his folly could put their relationship in serious peril. There was a chance they wouldn't make it.
"So, James, how was your trip?"
Lily's soft voice, unaccusing, startled James from his reflection. "Not bad, as these sort of things go." He still stood by the doorway.
"Are you going to tell me about it, or stand by the door?"
"Promise not to bite?"
"Not too hard." Each smiled a small little smile at the other, and James sat next to her. "So did you manage to get something done other than cutting yourself up?"
"Sadly enough, no. We caught a couple the very first day, then a few days later, we were caught."
"What day was that?"
"The third day out, I don't remember the day day."
"Alert were we? Anyhow, what happened then?"
"We encountered a very large band of Death Eaters, and there only being four of us, we didn't have a chance in Hell, besides to hide. We holed up in a cave in a highly undignified manner, and Jergens, that little turncoat, got us caught! On purpose!"
This all seemed eerily familiar to Lily, and she absently comforted James, who had laid down across the couch, his feet hanging comically of the end, running a hand through his hair.
"So, anyhow, we were taken to some Death Eater training camp, Fletch reckons it was in Russia. He had gotten banged up pretty badly, he was nearly unconscious, and those Death Eaters thought it would be fun to do a little carving. That's how I got my arm cut. Then we spent the next seven days there, continually being harrassed and starved. They were taking us to the execution room when we got away."
"James, what are the Files of Mantra?" Lily asked, almost before thinking. In her dreams, that had been what they tortured James about. She could feel him stiffen.
"Why do you ask?"
"I'm just curious, I just uh, heard about them from somewhere."
"Where!"
"Umm, nowhere in particular?"
"Lily, I really need to know who you heard about them from. The Files of Mantra are Voldemort's main desire right now, and if he gets them, then we're all in very big trouble. We won't defeat him if he gets those papers."
"Why, James, is it such a big deal?"
"Because," James lowered his voice, and sat up, leaning close to Lily's ear, "I have the Files of Mantra."
"So you've got papers Voldemort would kill to get his hands on? Am I the only one seeing a major flaw in that?" Lily hissed.
"He doesn't know I've got them. Very few people do know I have them. The Files of Mantra are the technical name for Avani Kedavra's work, along with the legendary and publicly unknown papers of Godric Gryffindor. That's why the information for The Killing Curse reversal hasn't been released. Only highly-trusted Unspeakables, my family, and Ministers screened, sworn, and tested within an inch of their life. To put it politely, the free world screwed if the wrong person gets those."
"You're not keeping these in your desk are you?"
"Of course not! They're hidden in the piano bench at Godric's Hollow. We have a piano, you know. They have the same techniques as the Marauder's Map applied. They require passwords now, or it looks like a new sheet of music. Since Harry said Gringott's was broken into in his first year, it's obviously not safe. This way I can keep an eye on it. Fletcher is the only other person who knows it's exact location."
"Wow, that is incredibly disturbing. I think I'm going to go, uh, wow, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'll see you later."
"Wait!" James shot off the couch to block her passage. "What about, the er, other thing?"
"I changed my mind, I don't want to know about it, James. If it isn't still happening, then it's alright. It's in the past, and for my state of mind, that's where it needs to stay."
"But I want to tell you! I don't want you wondering for the rest of our lives." James grabbed her hand, a pleading look flashing in his eyes. Moron, she was going to let you off the hook! And you put yourself back on it! "Lily, please, don't let this ruin us."
James wondered how she could possibly be so calm. Lily just gave a small smile, and touched his face. "When did it happen?"
"September when we were broken up, and you weren't talking to me during seventh year." James said flatly.
"Then I don't need to know about it. We weren't engaged, weren't married, weren't even going out, so technically, it's none of my business."
"I'm the one who's supposed to say that."
"I'm stealing your lines, sue me."
"You're too calm about this."
"I'm still stunned from your earlier revelation." Lily stood in front of him a moment, brows knitted in thought. "I'll tell you what, there's a snowball fight, guys against girls, in the back yard. Let's go do that. It'll give us both time to think, and you can show Harry how to make a Potter snowball, as well as the fine art of snowball strategy. I think that's what we need to do."
"I'm sorry, Lily." James wanted to do something to remove the wounded look from her eyes. He knew that inside she was angry and upset and hurt, and it was his fault.
She smiled sadly, and touched his face again. James could feel the warm metal of her rings against the skin. "I'm sorry too."
Lily turned and left without saying anything else, and James followed slowly, a lethargic feeling over-taking him.
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