Lily covered her eyes as a Marauder argument broke out, all three of them jumping in, switching sides a dozen times, and insulting each other. When strings of curse words(courtesy James and Sirius) started flying, Lily thought she probably ought to put an end to the argument. She put a hand over James's mouth, so his insults tossed at Sirius sounded slurred.
"Would you stop it, and maybe act for a thirty-five year-old until dinner is over?" Lily asked.
"Sirius started it." James whined after taking Lily's hand from his mouth.
"Actually Remus started it. Sirius was defending himself, and Lord knows why you decided to jump in. And if you three insist on acting like five year-olds, then you'll have to go eat in the kitchen." Lily said this firmly, absolutely no room left for doubt.
"You can't do that! Can she do that, James?" Sirius asked, looking shocked.
"I can and I will."
"Are you James?"
"Sirius, I suggest you eat." Lily crossed her arms over her chest. "Now, could we possibly finish dinner like a civilized family? Would that be too much to ask?"
"Yes mother."
"James. I'm really not in the mood for you to revert back to your eleven year-old self right about now. I will find a way to drag you into the kitchen, don't push it."
"I have absolutely no doubt." James said, rather miffed about the whole predicament.
"Good." Lily placed her napkin back in her lap, and gave forceful glares at the three men.
"If she gives us the 'I'm severely disappointed in you boys' speech, it's my guess that McGonagall is hiding in her body." Sirius whispered.
"Sirius, please just eat!" Lily wailed.
"If you make her cry, you and I are going outside." James threatened meanly, leaning behind Lily's back to talk to Sirius.
"Okay, everybody stop!" Hermione said loudly. "I guess I'm confused. I thought you and you were fighting," she motioned to James and Lily, "but now you're threatening your supposed best friend, whom you are also fighting with, and apparently over not much of anything."
"It's very complex." Serenity explained, "You see, James and Lily almost never fight because they're mad, th-"
"Just that time when Lily broke up with James and kicked him in a painful place, putting Harry's existence into question, and then James went into depression and had that little fl-"
"Thank you Sirius for the amazing commentary you just gave us." James interrupted quickly, and Lily looked highly interested.
Lily looked between Sirius, who looked terrified, and James, who looked very mean. "Yet another thing to add to our 'let's talk about later' list."
"Sirius, I'm going to kill you."
"Don't worry, I'll do it for you." Serenity said, smacking Sirius. "Well, like I said, James and Lily usually aren't really seriously mad when they fight."
"It relieves boredom when they're around other people and can't do what's really going on in their XXX rated mind."
"Sirius, keep your mouth shut, I'm in enough trouble the way it is."
"Why should I be mad?" Lily asked silkily. "Is it that guilty conscience you have trouble with kicking in?"
"I'll keep my mouth shut too."
Serenity rolled her eyes. "And as for those three hooligans fighting, I don't waste my energy trying to figure them out. Since Lily has spent a million hours with them, she's probably the only one with a clue."
"Serenity, I decided when I was fourteen it's a waste of time to try to figure this lot out. They are so far out of it the normal human mind can't communicate on their level."
"Is that good or bad?" Sirius asked Remus quietly.
"I think she means it bad."
James tried to prolong dinner as long as he could, but it finally wrapped to a close, and people started groaning and hauling themselves out of their chairs.
"So, James dearest, are you ready to start working on that list?" Lily asked, leaning her fore arms on his shoulders while leaning over the back of the chair.
James felt rather paniced. "Are you sure you don't want some, uh, uh, something?"
"Not a thing." Lily, by all appearances, hauled him sweetly out of his chair and led him to their private sitting room.
Oh Lord. Bloody hell. I'm in deep hippogriff dung.
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